Meditation
May 31st, 2007 by
Bentinho Massaro
I have been finding myself in a period of resistance towards some spiritual teachings lately. I even feel a certain rejection towards the teachings as they are given in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. This is purely because of personal changes at the moment. I even feel like I do no longer fit in my teacher-course for yoga and meditation. Something is happening, some shift inside.
I realize more and more now that meditation as a technique is not the way for me to reach my purpose. Sure, meditation techniques are great and especially authentic scriptures like the yoga-sutras are astonishingly helpful, but while studying and practicing those techniques, I keep coming back to my own way of applying knowledge and wisdom, which is so much more direct and simpler, if you have that specific feeling I have…
I realize now that the struggle and rejection against the spiritual authorities and teachings that I felt were because, on the surface of my being, they brought doubt about my own inner wisdom and the path that I naturally follow. They brought doubt to my mind because my mind tends to look up to those who are more experienced teachers. They have so many more years of experience in this life than me… they must know better right? That’s what I caught myself thinking every now and then.
So what are these sources saying that caused the struggle inside myself? Many take the long road, in my opinion, by saying and teaching about all the different methods and ways and chakra techniques and mantras and sitting positions etc etc. Sure, they can help, especially for the beginning meditator it is nice to have some kind of concrete form or object to hold in one’s mind or form to be in when practicing, but do these kind of meditations really bring forth a transformation; a shift in consciousness? Is this undisturbed feeling of emptiness, this intuition of the source itself, not a one-way ticket to that formless essence that outlives everything?
Sure it is.. they say, but you need many techniques and many years of practice and discipline in order for it to become real!
So basically, what the external sources keep telling me, is that this way of meditating that I do; this way of living life in my every-day life, is not authentic, it is not real… But if so.. then what is this strength, this confidence in me getting there in my own way, this trust, this deep stillnes that I feel inside? Is it not real because it is not established through every-day practice in the traditional sense of sitting down?
Now I know that the only thing I can trust isthis intuition of strength inside. This divine knowing that is ever-present. I don’t need to continue meditating on objects or chakras, all of that feels so very imprisoning to me. Whenever I am told to reach a certain state caled this or that through a certain method of meditation called this or that, it feels like going from a natural, divine and relaxed state of beingness, to limiting myself in trying to reach something and get somewhere by first moving through a prison-hallway… I can just be there and bethe result and much more than that immediately, so why should I go to jail for I don’t know how many life times before getting there, becoming that what I already am?
This testing of the outside world that seems to keep saying: You are not doing it authentically, your way is not valid, is what caused the struggle. Now I have realized that the outside world, even the most ancient of teachings and masters, are merely different forms of expressing that one wisdom that we are all moving towards. These different ways of expressing are helpful for many people, but it should only be to help you to get to the point in which your own inner light is illuminated. If that times has come, you may experience a natural and temporary rejection towards techniques and teachings as given by the external sources, like I have just had. Looking back on that period I can say it is a natural rejection and should in some way or another happen to everybody, because it makes you aware of your self and it make syou stand in your own strength and light instead of in the light of others. You are your only guru.
Now my confidence in my Self and in my Self alone is even more powerful. I no longer need any guidance form the outside, all I have to do is follow this feeling, this light inside. And at the right timing, I will be illuminated and consumed by it completely. Until that time, I don’t need any technique to bring me closer, I just do what I do: I live life. I just close my eyes, or I leave them open; it doesn’t make any difference. I might sit, I might stand, I might walk, no guidelines (no techniques!) have to be followed. The intention alone to enter the state of pure meditation is enough, regardles of what happens in the external world around me. Then my position shifts, transcends the mind and I become pure awareness.
Meditation as a practice only remains for me in the sense of prolonging that state of thoughtless consciousness. This, to me, is the only real meditation. All the other meditations are merely forms and techniques. The form that comes closest to real meditation is the meditation of pure Witnessing.The beauty of this whole process is the individual evolution that makes it all happen automatically. After a certain point of understanding, we all progress towards that source in a fast pace. It is like being sucked into the black hole faster and faster and as you reach closer to the center it becomes inevitable as your pace increases and things are absorbed automatically. It is a natural movement; evolution.
I just need to be relaxed, open and in-line with my Self, in line with Life itself and that inner feeling which is there but not yet blossoming fully like a flower. In fact, it would be best to do nothing at all. This source gradually unfolds itself to me and I am excited to enjoy life in the present and subject myself to that process of absorption.
Bentinho Massaro –>
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